Derek Jarman - an inspiration....

My latest bout of coughing and pain associated with the pneumonia I  have, started this weekend and coincided with Derek Jarman's description of his book 'smiling in slow motion'.  As much as it is tinged with sadness, there is great comfort in knowing of others who have walked this path.  In South Africa, where most people do not publicly talk about their status and the way it affects their health and state of mind, it is difficult to find writing that is personal, reflecting on the day to day of HIV.  There are accounts, be sure, but not many....given that most people talk about their sickness.....here HIV and AIDS continues in silence for the most part, helped along by religious zealots (who condemn) and patricarchal men (who condemn - the women).

A lot of the time it is the combination of both......lethal and fatal....women should be pure and virtuous, then at the service of their men..and so the bodies pile up in the morgue....women their lives cut short.....and the men too....but these men do not see their folly....they believe if they serve at the altar of God and Chief they are beyond the clutches of the disease.  Jarman says..."it is delightful (ordination of women priests) that the Church should tear itself apart.  I hope it is as destructive as possible to that prison of dreams and desire.  Let the trumpets blast the walls of the curches till they fall into pictersque ruin". 

I would love to see them (the men ) paraded, like we often are, in the public....like things for sale at the bazaar!! A macarbe procession of the vanities.....how in their folly they condemn many to a certain death....denied condoms to protect themselves these women have no chance.....denied treatment (until recently) and then denied comfort, sworn to secrecy by humiliation and shame.....oh what sadness!! But I am becoming hopeful....as we hear more voices beginning to speak....but it is still only a whisper against the wailing of the thousands who succumb.....

Off to the doctors today....hopefull after a weekend of living under the tyranny of my coughing.....I can get some relief.....so afraid I might have TB again.......